So, it occurred to me yesterday that I've basically been on a 3 week bender. Sure, it may be a natural high, but that doesn't make it any less hard on the body or mind. I need to settle down and get back into the present and accept the present. I've been spending so much time focusing on future events, or reliving past events, that I almost forgot that now is really all that exists, so may as well enjoy it. Certainly no amount of wishing, yearning, or longing, is going to bring the future any closer or the past back to life. All that wishing, yearning and longing does, is wear the fuck out of me and tie my stomach in knots. I haven't even set aside 20 minutes to sit for over a week, I'm sure thats not helping.
So, here it is. Reality check. Now is now so I better enjoy it. There's still plenty of things to do now, here. No need to predict or to reclaim or to prepare for a million possible outcomes. I'd be better off focusing my attention on now, to ensure that I'm making the best decisions right now.
Now the snag is, despite my mind accepting this, my body still hasn't fully absorbed the feeling. Basically that knot in my stomach, yea it's still there. Convincing the body will take subtlety, concentration, and a bit of time. It's likely worth the effort though because I certainly can't go through the next two weeks sustaining this feeling.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Whoaa, Settle Down There
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1 comment:
Sometimes it's good to let your thoughts and emotions get away with you, even if it hurts or makes you crazy. Telling your mind and body to settle down when you are feeling restless, apprehensive - whatever you are feeling - can sometimes do more harm than good.
When I write, for example: it usually starts with an idea, and then I just let my head mold and shape that idea and eventually, it turns into something completely different. And then I can see what I was really trying to say.
Another example is when I was having doubts about my boyfriend; I noticed them, tried to ignore them and ended up feeling pretty miserable. I opened up to those thoughts once more and let them take me where they would. Now I've split up with him and the weight is lifted off my shoulders. I have learned that my gut instinct is usually right.
Obviously living in the present will feel better if you don't long for something in the future, but trying to ignore that longing and wishing will only make you numb. Maybe I'm alone in this but I can't focus on anything while my mind is elsewhere. If it's in the future than that's where it's going to be until I've reached that future. There's no point fighting it.
Maybe if you stop trying to fight the knot in your stomach, it will loosen up on it's own. And as for your overactive mind - take it from me, an experienced daydreamer: when you let your mind wander and wind it's way down whatever path it's fighting to wander down, it can take you to some pretty fascinating places.
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